I Will Not Break

2025 has been one of the most challenging years of my life. And no, it is not only because I have been living in Fiji for over a year. I have experienced all types of warfare that you can think of. I have been sick hundreds of times. A lot of my belongings have either broken or have been lost to mold. I have been tempted so many times by the evil one and failed. I have missed so many family gatherings, blablablablabla. Well, yes, you guessed it. This last blog is a ranting one :)

Let’s begin with the many illnesses I have encountered this past year. The grossest one; I have had food poisoning twice. The first one I gave to myself :| I was trying to cook waci. This is the rourou leaves fried. You make a mix with eggs, onions, garlic, and oil. Well, I didn’t prepare it correctly and ended up sick for 2 days. Puking my guts out, both through my mouth and my bum, gross, I know. The second time I had food poisoning, it was also my fault. I went to a birthday party and took some leftovers. Mind you, I don’t have a fridge at home. The next day, I heated part of it for lunch and saved a little bit for dinner. BIG MISTAKE. The beef smelled a little bit weird, but I figured if I overheat it extra, the bacteria will die. You guessed it. It did not die. I was the one who almost died! I knew I shouldn’t have eaten it because it smelled funky, but I was hoping for the best. Lesson learned!

Let’s move on to something calm, before we get into the crazy stuff. Never had I ever experienced so many skin issues. I have gotten bitten by everything and anything: ants, bed bugs, spiders, mites, and ticks. I have yet to get bitten by a dog, knock on wood, bless God. I have had scabies and a couple of skin rashes. Thankfully, I have yet to have a boil, so please knock on wood for me, thanks! I have had the occasional cold, which comes and goes with a bunch of Theraflu. I have also had a couple of ear infections. One time, I thought I had a really bad ear infection, and it ended up being a problem with my wisdom teeth :/  

At the moment, one of the worst pains that I am experiencing is coming from my wisdom teeth. When I was doing my medical exams to come to Fiji, my dentist had told me that my wisdom teeth were impacted and that I needed to take them out (this was a few months before my departure date) I had told him that I didn’t want to deal with that because I only had a few months left before this crazy adventure, and that I didn’t want to spend that time recuperating in a bed. Looking back at the situation, I think I should have listened to him.

3 of my 4 wisdom teeth are impacted. For this reason, it feels like they are stabbing my nerves, and it hurts. It’s the most annoying thing ever. I was given a bunch of painkillers to try to numb the pain, but as soon as I stop taking them, the pain comes back. This issue, I will take care of in 2026.

The past year, I have had many bone issues. Earlier this year, I was playing volleyball. My mantra during each game is that it is just a game, a point is a point, and I will not kill myself to earn it. Well, this advice went out the window during a very intense game. I ended up getting too involved and bumped into someone who was also trying to get the ball. My right ankle got stuck in a hole. Next thing I heard was a pop. I ended up twisting my ankle. Till this day, it occasionally hurts. Two days before that incident, I had also twisted my left ankle walking down to the beach. One thing you should know about me is that I have very weak ankles. What else is very weak? My knees.

In Fiji, tradition has it that we always sit on the floor. Whether it is for meals, gatherings, church services, talanoa, just about everything. Seating for hours on the floor, cross-legged, has been a constant challenge for me. Usually, after 25-30 minutes, I stretch my legs and stay that way until the activity is finished. Seating in this position has worsened my knee pains tremendously. But you guessed it! Not only have my knees been impacted by this seating tradition, but also my coccyx.

Let me take you down memory lane. A few years ago, 9 years to be exact, I was in a softball practice learning how to steal a base. I ran from home to first at full speed and then “tried” to slide, and ended up landing straight on my bum. Yup, STRAIGHT!!! The pain was so unbearable. I needed help getting up. The bus ride back home was both painful and challenging. I couldn’t stop crying :(

At first, I thought it was just a bruise. Weeks went by, and the pain persisted here and there. I ignored it. I thought, “I still can sit okay, so it must definitely not be broken.” I didn’t realize that sitting on the floor was going to be a big problem because I rarely ever sat on the floor. Once I sat on the floor (for long periods of time) and started to notice some discomfort, I started to avoid the floor at all costs. Well, let me tell you that avoidant behavior had to change in order to come to Fiji.

At the beginning, the pain wasn’t too bad. But after a while, it got worse and worse. Lying down, standing up, seating on a chair, seating on a pillow, it was always hurting. I ended up getting a few x-rays and the doctors couldn’t really see what the issue was because the X-ray was not clear. Currently, I am still dealing with this issue. The doctor suggested that I get an MRI, which I will get sometime in the near future. So long story short, I believe my coccyx is broken.

Speaking of possible broken bones, one night I was out with some friends. We were leaving an establishment in Labasa, where I slipped down the stairs. Picture this, I am wearing little heels, and the floor is wet. I slide down the stairs doing a split, and bump into my friend Nic,k who also falls. I landed on one of my toes, which, at this point, I believe is broken. It hasn’t healed; it is still swollen. This was about 2 months ago LOL.

In 2025, I kept on getting hit with so much negativity, temptation, illness, bad influence, and more. Everywhere I looked, the possibility of bad decisions was prominent. I knew that being in Fiji, I was going to have more time on my hands, so I decided to fast intentionally with the sole purpose of getting closer to God. However, those intentions were not always honored (stay tuned for my fasting vlog, where I go into depth about my fasting journey)

Why am I bringing this up? Well, in 2025, I went to battle with food. I found myself CONSTANTLY anxious about what I wanted to eat. I often found myself overeating. Not really caring about the consequences that all that food was going to have on me. I started to feel like I was losing myself because I kept on gaining so much weight. It didn’t matter how much I moved my body; I was in a constant state of feeling ugly and unlike myself.

Upon hours of reflection and fasting, I came to the realization that I was being attacked by the enemy. He clearly did not like how I continued to fast and put my relationship with God at the center of my life. So he hit me with what I love, food. My relationship with food went on a decline. I stopped eating most of the things I loved. And if I did end up eating it, I shamed myself for days. I would often look in the mirror and pinpoint every cellulite I saw, or talk down on my love handles. Never in my life had I ever had such negative thoughts about my appearance and food as I had in 2025.

I am still battling some of these issues. I know that because I have the strength my Lord Christ has given me, it will be easier. I also know that He will never give me more than I can handle. This constant fact has kept me grounded and going. Knowing that one day I will be returning home to my normalcy and to the discipline that I once had has also been helping me.

When I think about the steps that I have taken to try to solve these issues in Fiji, it makes me sad. I been very unkind to myself and have constantly put a lot of pressure on myself to “maintain” or stay “fit.” I need to show myself some compassion. The foods that I have at my disposal are not the healthiest, and the walks/jogs are not as effective as I thought. I have done a bunch of home workout videos and walk a bunch of miles daily to stay sane. So it’s not like I have been a couch potato every day. I don’t even own a couch.

While being in Fiji, I have lost one of my forever bracelets. I cried so so so much. I was not crying because of the actual physical bracelet being lost, but because of the sentimental value that it represented. I had gotten that bracelet with my sister and cousin for my 23rd birthday. During the 4^th of July, my Apple Watch broke. I wore it to the beach, and it officially died. This made me extremely sad because that's how I used to track my walks and jogs. I had some blue sandals Crocs, which I adored and had for yearssssssssss. I wore them to the river back in Nukuloa, and they broke. I have lost a good amount of my clothing due to mold. As things continued to break and get lost, I kept reminding myself of this quote that an older PCV had told me, “Nothing lasts in Fiji.” This has given me peace of mind whenever things go south because, low-key somewhere deep inside my mind, I already knew that it was bound to happen.

Reflecting on this past year, and all the pain and heartbreak I have experienced, the only thing I can say is that I am grateful for each and every one of them. I have gotten do deep in my faith, that all this trauma and pain, I accept it with an open heart. I know what you must be thinking. Esa muchacha está loca. But no. I am not crazy. I am deep-rooted in faith and hope. I have so much faith in my Jesus that I know that He has not forsaken me or left me in the dust. I know, I can guarantee you, that I have gone through all of that for a reason. I know that He is shaping me into the woman that He needs me to be in order to serve Him and expand His kingdom. So as sad as I was, and maybe still am, I accept these challenges with open arms and a hopeful heart. I know that I am being shaped.

Plus, I cannot afford to let all these distractions cloud my judgment. I came to Fiji for a reason, and no illness or test will make me pack my bags early. I signed up for a service of 2 year 2 months service. I will finish my service fully. If that means I have to drag myself through the remaining months, I will do it. I will finish. God willingly, of course! Can I get an Amen? Amen!!!

We will be starting 2026 strong with a vlog on love. Are you ready for it!!!

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Stay tuned for my next blog -> Love Shouldn't Be Complicated!

XOXO Yerika